my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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