Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
