ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
