Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize