so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
