i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
