We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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