Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
