And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
soo... how was my night?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
