He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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