Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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