PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
