it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
