How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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