drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Randomize
