Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
that's an acceptable place to lick
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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