i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
