I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
