If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
