you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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