just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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