im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
