new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Randomize
