the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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