the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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