Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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