he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize