K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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