nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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