i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
