She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
