idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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