I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
