i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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