My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
