I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
