Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
