I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
