The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
