Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize