the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
