if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
