the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
