You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
