You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
