Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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