look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
