so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
