Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
