the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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