Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize