girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
