i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
