smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
