whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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