You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
