My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize