I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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