meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
