I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
