The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
