she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
