I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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