dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
