I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
