WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
