well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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