It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
