you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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