I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
