Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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