It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
