You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
