I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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