Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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