I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize