Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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