I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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