Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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